Causing a person to become overly dependent on us is not a kind thing to do……

FailureSuccessThe only time we should be completely dependent on another’s for our wellbeing is when we are new-born babies. And although many would say our children are often dependent on us until they leave the family home, to what extent depends entirely on how we have raised them. It is not an inherent quality of human beings or any other life forms to depend entirely on another for their wellbeing for this goes against the natural order of things, but it is possible to distort the natural progression and growth of independence by rendering one incompetent through our actions and words. Probably the most detrimental thought a child may come to believe through having everything done for them is, “I am not capable, good enough or worthy to do this or that”. Although these types of beliefs are not based in truth, if we believe them we will make them true in our own life experiences as The Law of Attraction will bring us experiences that match what we believe until somehow we manage to change those beliefs.

I am not suggesting that anyone would do this to another on purpose, especially one they dearly loved. Nonetheless, this can be the outcome when we have taken it upon ourselves to do everything for them. When we don’t take the necessary time to teach our children how to do something that in the long run will be very beneficial for them, we unknowingly deprive them of many opportunities to grow and learn skills that will help them in all areas of their lives as they move through their physical journey. There is a multitude of reasons why we may be doing this but all will come down to the same core reason being, it feels better in the moment for us to do whatever it is ourselves than to get our children’s help.

Let’s face it, it takes time and patience to teach someone something new and sometimes we can be in short supply of both. If we are not taking the time to teach our children for whatever reason, it is something within our own thought process that we may need to change if we would like to be in a position to do this.
For example, a thought that may prevent us from getting our children to help us with household chores might go something like this. “It takes twice as long when they help and it’s never done exactly how I like it and they constantly complain”. Although this may be the reality of what initially happens one must have perseverance and a knowing that things will get easier as their child grows in confidence by being given responsibility and positive feedback. I understand there may always be some resistance from our children to help but when they understand that this is not something they do whenever they feel like it, but is the responsibility and benefits of belonging and being part of a loving and caring family where every person is valued and has input. An improved thought would be something like, “It takes me longer when I initially get the kids to help me so I’ll do it when I know I’ve got the time. I won’t expect perfection because I know it’s more important to have badly folded clothes than not giving them the opportunity to help, and I’ll let them know if they complain they are only making themselves miserable and it will probably take them twice as long!!!”

I speak frankly and honestly to my children when we talk and no subject is off-limits as far as I am concerned. I tell them I would not be being a very good parent if I did everything for them and didn’t teach them how to look after themselves and be more independent individuals as they grow. They know that even though it may be a long time away, it’s likely that Mum and Dad will make their transition back to Non-Physical energy before they will and although they will have the ability to interact with us if they so desire, it will never be the same as having someone right here, right now in all their physicalness to do this or that for them. Children can be more open than older human beings because of their limited life experiences, lack of resistance and a closer connection to the Source Energy from which they originally came that puts them in a good place to know the truth when they hear it. Resistance always comes from a long period of time of focusing on unwanted circumstances and experiences.

I know many people cope when they suddenly find themselves for the first time in their lives having to do almost everything for themselves and being unprepared for it. I can only speak for myself when I say I cannot feel good about doing this to anyone much less my own children. We live in a world knowing many different skills are required to thrive and be able to create the lives we are wanting to live so it is vitally important to be doing our best to teach our children these life skills.
If we are looking at the big picture and what we generally want for our children, not just for right now but for the future as well, this will always guide us down the best path for us to take.

I believe we are trying to raise, competent, resilient, kind, loving, caring, happy human beings and the best way we do this is through the power of our own example…….

And so it is……..

Why would we not tell the truth???

There maybe millions of reasons why one would not tell the truth, but all these reasons come down to the same core reasons which are;
1. Fearing the possible consequences that may result from telling the truth.
2. Not feeling good enough in some way therefore feeling the need to make oneself sound better in the eyes of others, ultimately for their approval and admiration. Did you notice, this is still fearing the possible consequences of telling the truth, or more to the point, being who you really are.
This is not a very good feeling vibrational place to be in, feeling you must make yourself out to be something other than what you really are to be accepted or loved by others.
If we are coming to truly know who we really are, we would never feel the need to make excuses or not tell the truth to be seen as “acceptable or good” in another’s eyes, for we already have our own approval and acceptance of ourselves as we are, and are not requiring it from others in order to feel good or worthy.
Is it nice if others like us?
Yes, of course it is, but if we require this from every person we come into contact with, we better get very good at knowing exactly what others are wanting and expecting, and start adjusting our behaviour accordingly!
It’s not possible to be liked by every person that may be observing us “out there” for we are all in different vibrational places, meaning everything we observe is filtered through our own personal life experiences that brings us to our own beliefs about life. It’s better to accept we are all different and know it’s not possible to be liked by everyone, and just be our genuine selves!
Others will think what they will think, and whatever they maybe thinking (and remember, what others are exactly thinking is only speculation on our part anyway) is more of a reflection of who and where they are rather than whoever they’re observing or judging is.

If I was considering not telling the truth or doing something that went against what I felt was right so others may possibly like me more, the question I would ask myself would be….
Is it worth not being true to myself and who I really am to get a small fleeting moment of approval from another? Because believe me, it is fleeting and doesn’t last long, unless we’re prepared to do everything and anything we feel others want to get their constant approval, and even then, we cannot guarantee we will achieve it.
Holy Moses, that just sounds so hard, doesn’t it? And I say “for goodness sake, don’t do it!” It’s a way of being that will never ultimately lead anywhere you are wanting to go!

To tell the truth or not is a natural developmental stage we go through when we’re children as the brain starts to grow and mature, and often depending on the many varied experiences we have during our childhood, especially experiences related to how harshly we were disciplined with negative consequences, and whether not telling the truth was a strategy that worked for us, will often effect the choices we make as we grow up to whether we feel it is necessary, or in our best interests, to “tell the truth or not?”.
The reason I prefer to say,”to tell the truth or not,”rather than the word lying or liar, is I find these words to be very harsh and negative and prefer to put a slightly more neutral feeling (vibration) to an already slightly negative subject. I only use the word liar if I have become angry, which I do my very best to avoid, or better said, do my best to move into a better feeling place on before I react in a way I would prefer not too!
Anger or rage is the approximate vibrational place where the word liar usually sits, because think about it, have you heard anyone say, “You’re such a good liar darling, I could just hug you!!” not likely. Hehehe….That’s so funny!!

Ok, but seriously, for me, I know when people are not telling the truth, it oozes out of them like a disease. (dis-ease….Lack of ease!) And I find it very difficult to stay in the presence of one that feels the need to do such things. And to tell you the truth, (as if I wouldn’t…Hehehe) most people are aware and feeling that something is not right when they speak with someone who isn’t telling the truth, something always feels off, not quite right, but we may not be listening to what we are feeling, because of not understanding or knowing what it is that our feelings are telling us, and because it doesn’t feel good to think someone is not telling us the truth. (which is our natural tendency of moving to a better feeling place!)
So in other words, unless we have absolute proof that someone isn’t telling us the truth, it often feels better to discount or ignore the feelings that are being communicated to us, letting us know exactly what others are coming to us with, than to acknowledge they aren’t telling us the truth. The more aware and sensitive we are to how we’re feeling, and the more important it is for us to know if people are being truthful, the stronger our knowing of what the truth is, when we see it, hear it, or touch it.

All I can say is this, if we cannot be ourselves, who else can we be, after all, everyone else is taken.
So if you can only be you, why not be the “real you” and if others don’t like it, that’s their problem, not yours! And be proud of who you are now, because you are here, living your life in the best way you know how….
And as long as you are happy with who and what you are being, that has to be good enough….

And so it is…