Teaching

How your parents feel about you doesn’t matter…….Unless it matters to you!

The Purest SoulLeave a comment

 

Big Bear
“LEARNING TO TRUST OTHERS IS AN ESSENTIAL SKILL BUT IS SECONDARY TO LEARNING TO TRUST OURSELVES.” Paulette De-Har

Something worth remembering while pondering the question of how much we care about what our parents think about us is.……They are merely human beings with human beliefs, human failings and resistance just as all human beings have, although to differing degrees depending on how we’ve lived our lives and the choices we’ve made. In other words how anyone thinks or feels about anything is a reflection of the life they’ve lived and the beliefs they hold, it is not the ultimate truth of how things should be but is purely one’s own perception of how they feel the world should or shouldn’t be. This purely personal perspective comes from deciding what we want to live in our lives but has nothing to do with what someone else may be here to do or what they want to live in their lives. In fact, if you think about it…..It is highly arrogant to believe we know what any other human being has specifically come here to do and then dictate to them in a negative way when we feel they are not meeting what we think they are here for and what they should be doing……..What a joke! Many people find it difficult themselves to know why they are here and what they should be doing let alone knowing what others are exactly here to do and how and when they should be doing this or that.

 

Many may argue, “I’ve been here longer and I know more about life so they should follow what I say.” And to some extent, I would have to agree, especially when children are very young with little to no life experience behind them. But as they grow and learn it is so important to guide them in a positive way from a good feeling place and for them to start being the driver in their own life rather than the co-pilot that’s being told what to do all the time.

When a child’s life is micromanaged and strongly controlled usually one of two things happen. Either the child rebels with strongly negative behaviours or gives in and lets every facet of their life be controlled. Neither alternative is ideal and can incapacitate someone as they grow if they start to believe they are not good enough or are not capable to do things for themselves. If a child has come to believe such negative things about themselves this can become a self-fulfilling prophecy where they unknowingly create circumstances that give them evidence of the beliefs they hold. This can take a long time to unlearn such distorted beliefs with many living a large portion of their physical life feeling this way until they become aware of who they really are and what they are really capable of.

I’m sure it would be true to say that no parent would knowingly do this to their children and that if this does happen it’s through a lack of both understanding and awareness of what we are really doing and how this life is really working.

Getting back to how our parents feel about us, if emotions of love, respect, honesty and acceptance are felt from our parents obviously this is wonderful, but on the flip side of this, if we are met with feelings of hostility, resentment, annoyance, disapproval and coldness, this is not so good. This is a type of very conditional love. A love that says I will love you if you will do this or that, otherwise I will not love you. Instead, I will resent you and I will do my best to make you feel bad so you will change your behaviour and then I can look at you and feel happy. This has everything to do with being selfish and nothing to do with unconditional love. True happiness never comes from trying to control another’s actions but through guiding in a positive manner by controlling our mind and making a constant and consistent effort to find good feeling emotions no matter what outer circumstances we may be presented with. If we are unable to give this unconditional love to our children it will be likely that we will not be able to give unconditional love to anyone including ourselves.

If we feel a lack of approval from our parents because of the choices we’ve made in our lives that for whatever reason they don’t agree with, it is completely our choice to how we choose to feel about this. We can either feel bad and blame either ourselves or our parents for not behaving in a better way, or we can acknowledge that we are an individual with our own lives to live and be happy we have been true to who we are by doing what we believed was in our best interest at any given time.

Isn’t that what everyone is doing. I know we consider those we care about when making decisions, but essentially our decisions come from our own personal perspective, not another’s. It is important to be strong and not allow our parents or anyone else’s negative feelings about us to send us crashing off into the ditch of, “I’m not good enough or poor me.” Such beliefs unconsciously filter into every part of our lives reaping unwanted results that can be difficult to trace back to a belief we may be unaware we have. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t consider changing something if we feel this is appropriate and is a good direction to take, but changing to gain approval from anyone else is not a very good idea for now we are being guided by someone externally to ourselves that can never truly know what is in our heart and the direction that is best for us to go in. This guidance comes from within each of us and is directed by the life we’ve lived so far and what we are wanting so is specific to each individual person and cannot be truly known by someone outside of us.

So let’s guide our children in the best way we know how from the best possible feeling place we can find. Strive to unconditionally love and guide them no matter how they behave. Support them and let them learn the power that they have to create their own life, to make good decisions, to know how to be happy, and to believe in who and what they are.

Teach them that you only want the best for them, that you understand it is their life, not your life they are living, and most importantly teach them that what you or anyone else thinks about them doesn’t truly matter……All that matters is how they think and feel about themselves.
That’s when we have taught them truth and strength, and from this place of empowerment and knowing, there is nothing they cannot achieve……

And so it is……

Causing a person to become overly dependent on us is not a kind thing to do……

The Purest Soul2 Comments

FailureSuccessThe only time we should be completely dependent on another’s for our wellbeing is when we are new-born babies. And although many would say our children are often dependent on us until they leave the family home, to what extent depends entirely on how we have raised them. It is not an inherent quality of human beings or any other life forms to depend entirely on another for their wellbeing for this goes against the natural order of things, but it is possible to distort the natural progression and growth of independence by rendering one incompetent through our actions and words. Probably the most detrimental thought a child may come to believe through having everything done for them is, “I am not capable, good enough or worthy to do this or that”. Although these types of beliefs are not based in truth, if we believe them we will make them true in our own life experiences as The Law of Attraction will bring us experiences that match what we believe until somehow we manage to change those beliefs.

I am not suggesting that anyone would do this to another on purpose, especially one they dearly loved. Nonetheless, this can be the outcome when we have taken it upon ourselves to do everything for them. When we don’t take the necessary time to teach our children how to do something that in the long run will be very beneficial for them, we unknowingly deprive them of many opportunities to grow and learn skills that will help them in all areas of their lives as they move through their physical journey. There is a multitude of reasons why we may be doing this but all will come down to the same core reason being, it feels better in the moment for us to do whatever it is ourselves than to get our children’s help.

Let’s face it, it takes time and patience to teach someone something new and sometimes we can be in short supply of both. If we are not taking the time to teach our children for whatever reason, it is something within our own thought process that we may need to change if we would like to be in a position to do this.
For example, a thought that may prevent us from getting our children to help us with household chores might go something like this. “It takes twice as long when they help and it’s never done exactly how I like it and they constantly complain”. Although this may be the reality of what initially happens one must have perseverance and a knowing that things will get easier as their child grows in confidence by being given responsibility and positive feedback. I understand there may always be some resistance from our children to help but when they understand that this is not something they do whenever they feel like it, but is the responsibility and benefits of belonging and being part of a loving and caring family where every person is valued and has input. An improved thought would be something like, “It takes me longer when I initially get the kids to help me so I’ll do it when I know I’ve got the time. I won’t expect perfection because I know it’s more important to have badly folded clothes than not giving them the opportunity to help, and I’ll let them know if they complain they are only making themselves miserable and it will probably take them twice as long!!!”

I speak frankly and honestly to my children when we talk and no subject is off-limits as far as I am concerned. I tell them I would not be being a very good parent if I did everything for them and didn’t teach them how to look after themselves and be more independent individuals as they grow. They know that even though it may be a long time away, it’s likely that Mum and Dad will make their transition back to Non-Physical energy before they will and although they will have the ability to interact with us if they so desire, it will never be the same as having someone right here, right now in all their physicalness to do this or that for them. Children can be more open than older human beings because of their limited life experiences, lack of resistance and a closer connection to the Source Energy from which they originally came that puts them in a good place to know the truth when they hear it. Resistance always comes from a long period of time of focusing on unwanted circumstances and experiences.

I know many people cope when they suddenly find themselves for the first time in their lives having to do almost everything for themselves and being unprepared for it. I can only speak for myself when I say I cannot feel good about doing this to anyone much less my own children. We live in a world knowing many different skills are required to thrive and be able to create the lives we are wanting to live so it is vitally important to be doing our best to teach our children these life skills.
If we are looking at the big picture and what we generally want for our children, not just for right now but for the future as well, this will always guide us down the best path for us to take.

I believe we are trying to raise, competent, resilient, kind, loving, caring, happy human beings and the best way we do this is through the power of our own example…….

And so it is……..

Are you a teacher???

The Purest SoulLeave a comment
Frame Family
We all teach not through what we say but through the power of our example, every single time.   Paulette De-Har.

Yes, of course, we are all teachers, it‘s not a question of whether we are teachers or not, the real question is… what is it that you’re teaching?

We teach through the power of our example, and although we can teach through our words, if what we’re saying with our words is not consistent with our actions, it will always be our actions that people will believe over our words.

I’m not suggesting that we should change our behaviour because others are observing us, no, for when we start doing this, we’re no longer listening to our Inner Guidance, now we’ve cut ourselves off from the Non-Physical perspective that is knowing everything we’ve ever wanted in this life (and previous lives for that matter too!) sending us direct and constant communication through our emotions of which direction we’re moving in. Positive emotion indicates you’re moving towards something you are wanting, whereas negative emotion means you’re moving towards something that’s unwanted.

Just by being here in this physical body and physical world, we are teaching, it’s not necessary to sit people down and tell them anything, and in fact, unless people are asking for this information, they cannot hear what we have to say, even if it is good and true.
So when you are feeling great and full of life, loving what you’re doing, know that you are shining such a bright light, and you are a joy to behold to anyone that has the good fortune to be in your presence!!
And when you’re not having a good day, know that you are still setting a great example, an example of how to get up and do your best, even when it’s not easy.
Yes, it’s all so good!!

And so our journey together continues….

Observations about our Beautiful Children….

The Purest SoulLeave a comment

FailureSuccess
Anyone that has children would have no doubt noticed that today’s generation of children are very different from their parents and previous generations. You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to figure that out, and it’s interesting to note, when people often speak of this, they tend to highlight many things they consider negative.
“We didn’t do that in my day, we behaved ourselves and just did what we were told.” Now that’s lovely if we’re believing everything someone else tells us or our feeling good depends upon making someone else happy and feel good. But the truth is, most of our beautiful children are not prepared to take everything we say as being right or good for them. I understand this makes for navigating the parenting of children far more difficult than it may have previously been, it’s rather easy when someone has largely substituted their own Inner Guidance for someone else’s, for they are more likely to listen and blindly follow instructions…. But is this what we really want for our children??? For me, the answer is simple…. No.

To bring today’s children to a place where they will listen and follow without question, their spirit has usually been broken to some degree, and the long-term consequences of this are not usually what we are wanting for those we deeply love. When a child’s own Inner Guidance is overridden and their spirit is broken by others, even those that have the best of intentions, what happens when you are not there to guide them? They are often lost and seek out another that will direct them in what to do, for they have not had an opportunity to think and make decisions for themselves. I’m not suggesting our little ones need no guidance, but the days of following without question are far behind us. I like to think of it now as more of a collaboration between parent and child, a belief that all have value, ideas, opinions and suggestions that at the very least, deserve to be listened too, considered and negotiated.

Our children have very different and specific needs compared to previous generations. A one size fits all, do what I say approach (and sometimes not what I do) no longer works and did it ever work….I don’t know??? Children are coming forward in these times with a stronger determination, purpose, and confidence that does require a more flexible parenting style, and in truth are guiding us all to be better parents, better teachers, and better leaders.
Yes, they are teaching us to be better human beings…and I cannot think of a greater life purpose to have in this wonderful physical world…

And so it is….