Why do others try to control me???


No benefit comes from letting others control us. By giving into others against our own guidance hurts all involved in the end.          Paulette De-Har

This is a comment I received and responded to in relation to a post about special does not mean better, and since I thought it was especially special……..I thought it would be nice to post it. Thank-you to the person who sent it to me. I greatly appreciated your response as it strongly inspired much that I know and helped me to put that knowledge into words. Apart from that, it always feels very good when something we already know is understood in even greater breadth and depth than before.


It happens often that people when they want to try to control me, and they fail because I notice, they act as if I were better than them. I know that is not true, but nevertheless, I have to live with it. There are many people who control peoples’ lives because they probably don’t have a life of their own, or they like to project their frustrations on others. Special could also mean being able “to read between the lines.”

People often try to control others because they don’t like what “that person” is doing believing others behaviour will threaten them in some way or another. At the very core of who we all really are, it is known we are supposed to feel good but many have forgotten they have the complete and absolute power to make themselves happy and are instead trying to control other people and circumstances to produce the good feelings they desire.

Anyone who has lived for any decent period of time will usually come to understand that this is a futile endeavour but without knowing they have the power within them to move their thoughts and therefore their feeling responses into better feeling places, they are lost either continually trying to control others or to giving up hope of ever feeling better and remaining in an uncomfortable, not good feeling place. Both of these options are completely unacceptable when it does not have to be this way when we can;

1. Decide to make an effort to feel better than where we currently are apart from the physical conditions we may be experiencing. I know, not an easy thing to do when we have not practised doing this, but one must start somewhere don’t you think!!!
2. Knowing no other can assert anything into our experience for all things are created and attracted to us through the power of our focused thoughts that the Law Of Attraction responds in kind too, both wanted and unwanted whether we are aware of these truths or not.
3. Being kind to ourselves and others because that’s who we really are, and if it’s not possible in the moment, at least turning away and not responding negatively.

In response to others acting as if you are better than them when you are understanding you are not, this is often because people can sense when another they are observing is in a vastly different vibrational, emotional place than they are and will react in a variety of different ways depending on where they are. For Example someone in a very good feeling emotional place that is observed by someone in a low not so good feeling emotional place will often get strong negative attention directed towards them even though they are not giving this energy out!
Those that observe that are vibrationally closer to someone in a high good feeling emotional place are more likely to admire what they see but whether they will actually approach such a person depends on exactly how good they are feeling. In other words looking at others hi-lights within us how we really feel about ourselves but if we don’t know this we project any negativeness outwards to those we believe have created it where in truth it is our own beliefs, thoughts and feelings that have created this resistance within us.

I don’t believe people try to control others lives because they don’t have a life of their own, they try to control others because this is what they have been taught they need to do in order to feel happy, and everyone is trying to feel happy. It is true that many project their frustrations onto others because holding onto much negative energy without making an effort to feel better unconditionally apart from conditions is like putting an oxygen tank under pressure…..It’s only a matter of time before that pressure cannot be held in any longer and the tank explodes. Although most will temporarily feel better after this release of negative energy, it is short lived for as the Law Of Attraction responds to that which they have given out in the form of thoughts, words, and actions, that energy increases in power and momentum before being delivered back to where it first originated……
This is why reacting to strong negative energy others send out is not ideal for then negativeness they have released is passed on and although they will still receive back that which they have originally given out, now we will also receive back the negative energy we have received and in turn have given out and the chain of pain continues on and on……

Unless we start to understand through our own life experiences how this life is really working by paying attention to how we feel and noticing what is turning up in our lives. Anyone that does this from a pure place of wanting to know how to create a better life will eventually receive the answers they so desire!!!

And yes, special means different things to different people and I would agree being sensitive to oneself and others is very special indeed……

And so it is……

Is being “Right” more important to me than being Happy???

This is my reply to a comment from a previous post about being HAPPY and here’s the link if you’d like to read it, but I like to think this stands on its own whether or not you read the previous post.

Yes…..Most people love the feeling of being right!!! What we believe is right depends on our beliefs, experiences, and level of knowing….So what is right in one person’s mind is not right in another’s, everything is open to interpretation based on where we are vibrationally. That’s why it’s a futile endeavour to spend time trying to convince others of our rightness and their wrongness, for what is true and right for each of us will depend on our focus which has attracted our life experiences becoming the truth we are living, even if it isn’t the ultimate truth.

It’s also important to know we’ll be attracting many unwanted circumstances by arguing our point as the Law of Attraction responds to all the vibrations we’re sending out during these and all other types of interactions bringing us more of the same!!! It’s a good idea to ask oneself if we’re liking the current conversation that’s taking place, and if we would like similar interactions that feel the same in the future???

In relation to others saying “I just want them to be happy,” what people often mean is, “This person plays a pivotal part in my life, and although I do want them to be happy, when they aren’t I find it very difficult to maintain a good feeling vibrational place….So in order for me to feel happy I need to see them happy, and if they really cared about me they would do this so I can once again be happy as I see them happy.”
And I say…..Holy Moses, not much kills good relationships faster than expecting another to provide what we all know deep down we should be providing for ourselves!!
I know this isn’t always easy to do….Especially with the ones that are so dear to us, but being “selfish” and making how we feel our top priority, is more unselfish than many may think. By looking after and making an effort to feel as good as we can while those around us are not, now we have so much good to offer them. And sometimes it’s watching another we love and respect that’s able to feel good in the face of unwanted circumstances that gives us the inspiration to do the same….
But even if it doesn’t at lest we know we haven’t wallowed around in the unwanted mud with them creating unwanted circumstances for ourselves, and helping to add power and momentum to their unwanted situation!!!

Some may call that selfish….I call it “KNOWING!!!”

And so it is….

Question from Master Eight…. Is it better to listen to other people?

This is a conversation between me and my eight-year-old son that I recorded and then typed out for this post.
If you’re wondering why it’s because he often asks me the most amazing questions that we’ll have a long conversation about. The last question he had was a few days ago, and at the end of it I said: “I’ve got an awesome idea, we should try recording our conversations and I’ll make a post out of them!” He thought that was a cool idea, so this is a conversation we had today!

For ease of reading, I have edited unnecessary content and very personal circumstances related to the subject we’ve been talking about but feel it’s a truthful representation, most being word for word, of our conversation.

Master Eight-M8, is in Italics.

So what’s your question again Darling?

M8-Is it better to listen to other people?

Compared to what?


Compared to what you want to do?


So what made you want to know that?

M8-Because I just wanted to know if people should listen to others.

So you want to know if you should listen to other people?


Like what other people?

M8-Like you and Daddy, people like that…

So you mean just Mummy and Daddy, not other people, because do you usually listen to other people?


Ok, who would be the other people in your life apart from Mummy and Daddy that you would listen too?

M8-Arghh…Uhm…My teacher at school.

Anyone else….or are you only talking about people you know well?

M8-Yer, not just like people you don’t know that are strangers because if people say things to me and it’s someone I don’t know, I don’t say anything and I just don’t listen to them.

That’s a good idea, it’s not good to listen to people you don’t know.

Do you think it’s a good idea to listen to Mummy and Daddy and your teacher at school?


Why do you think it’s a good idea?

M8-Well, sometimes if I don’t listen to you guys I might not get to do other things I want to do.

Ok, is that the only reason you listen because you don’t want the negative consequences?


Are you sure that’s the only reason you listen, because you don’t want something unwanted to happen?



M8-Well, sometimes I listen to you when I’m playing my game when you call me for lunch or dinner and I don’t just ignore you because I’m hungry.


Well, I think it’s a little bit sad the only reason you listen is because you want to be able to play your game, is that the only reason you listen?


Well, what other reasons are there?

M8-Arghh…because…I’m thinking…I’m thinking…I’m thinking…

Well my question to you is, are you only listening to us to avoid not being able to have something you want?

M8-Well sometimes I get in trouble if I don’t listen to you guys.

Yes, but…

M8-And I don’t like getting in trouble…

Like what sort of trouble?

M8-Like if I am mean I get told off or I have to go away for a bit.

But aren’t you sometimes listening because it feels good to listen?

M8-Yes, it does sometimes.

But you don’t listen to us all the time though do you, so if we asked you to do something but it strongly goes against what you want to do you don’t always listen, which is okay I’m just saying you’re not only listening to us blindly without any regard to how you’re feeling.


Would it be true to say you’re making a choice to listen based on, will it feel better to listen and do this or will it feel better not to listen and do that.
And doesn’t the decision you make depend on the possible consequences you think may happen, and how much you do or don’t want to do something, but it’s still a choice that you make after weighing up all the pros and cons of the situation.

So would it be fair to say you’re making your decisions based on what feels best and what you feel will get you the closest to what you are wanting and sometimes that’s listening to Mum and Dad and sometimes it isn’t


That’s all you can do, that’s what everyone does, from where ever we are now, we’re all choosing what we feel is the best option for us, the choice we feel will hopefully produce the best outcome.

Of course, I’m Mum so I would always say it’s a good idea to listen to your Awesome Mummy wouldn’t I!! Hehehe

M8-And Awesome Daddy!! Hehehe

Yes, and at the end of the day, you’re always guided by yourself. Sometimes it’s good to listen, and sometimes it isn’t, I can’t say you should always or exclusively listen to anyone because you have to listen to yourself. Only you know what feels best for you, don’t you think Darling?


And so it is….