Control

Why do others try to control me???

The Purest SoulLeave a comment

 

FairyLights
No benefit comes from letting others control us. By giving into others against our own guidance hurts all involved in the end.          Paulette De-Har

This is a comment I received and responded to in relation to a post about special does not mean better, and since I thought it was especially special……..I thought it would be nice to post it. Thank-you to the person who sent it to me. I greatly appreciated your response as it strongly inspired much that I know and helped me to put that knowledge into words. Apart from that, it always feels very good when something we already know is understood in even greater breadth and depth than before.

 

COMMENTER:
It happens often that people when they want to try to control me, and they fail because I notice, they act as if I were better than them. I know that is not true, but nevertheless, I have to live with it. There are many people who control peoples’ lives because they probably don’t have a life of their own, or they like to project their frustrations on others. Special could also mean being able “to read between the lines.”

MY RESPONSE:
People often try to control others because they don’t like what “that person” is doing believing others behaviour will threaten them in some way or another. At the very core of who we all really are, it is known we are supposed to feel good but many have forgotten they have the complete and absolute power to make themselves happy and are instead trying to control other people and circumstances to produce the good feelings they desire.

Anyone who has lived for any decent period of time will usually come to understand that this is a futile endeavour but without knowing they have the power within them to move their thoughts and therefore their feeling responses into better feeling places, they are lost either continually trying to control others or to giving up hope of ever feeling better and remaining in an uncomfortable, not good feeling place. Both of these options are completely unacceptable when it does not have to be this way when we can;

1. Decide to make an effort to feel better than where we currently are apart from the physical conditions we may be experiencing. I know, not an easy thing to do when we have not practised doing this, but one must start somewhere don’t you think!!!
2. Knowing no other can assert anything into our experience for all things are created and attracted to us through the power of our focused thoughts that the Law Of Attraction responds in kind too, both wanted and unwanted whether we are aware of these truths or not.
3. Being kind to ourselves and others because that’s who we really are, and if it’s not possible in the moment, at least turning away and not responding negatively.

In response to others acting as if you are better than them when you are understanding you are not, this is often because people can sense when another they are observing is in a vastly different vibrational, emotional place than they are and will react in a variety of different ways depending on where they are. For Example someone in a very good feeling emotional place that is observed by someone in a low not so good feeling emotional place will often get strong negative attention directed towards them even though they are not giving this energy out!
Those that observe that are vibrationally closer to someone in a high good feeling emotional place are more likely to admire what they see but whether they will actually approach such a person depends on exactly how good they are feeling. In other words looking at others hi-lights within us how we really feel about ourselves but if we don’t know this we project any negativeness outwards to those we believe have created it where in truth it is our own beliefs, thoughts and feelings that have created this resistance within us.

I don’t believe people try to control others lives because they don’t have a life of their own, they try to control others because this is what they have been taught they need to do in order to feel happy, and everyone is trying to feel happy. It is true that many project their frustrations onto others because holding onto much negative energy without making an effort to feel better unconditionally apart from conditions is like putting an oxygen tank under pressure…..It’s only a matter of time before that pressure cannot be held in any longer and the tank explodes. Although most will temporarily feel better after this release of negative energy, it is short lived for as the Law Of Attraction responds to that which they have given out in the form of thoughts, words, and actions, that energy increases in power and momentum before being delivered back to where it first originated……
This is why reacting to strong negative energy others send out is not ideal for then negativeness they have released is passed on and although they will still receive back that which they have originally given out, now we will also receive back the negative energy we have received and in turn have given out and the chain of pain continues on and on……

Unless we start to understand through our own life experiences how this life is really working by paying attention to how we feel and noticing what is turning up in our lives. Anyone that does this from a pure place of wanting to know how to create a better life will eventually receive the answers they so desire!!!

And yes, special means different things to different people and I would agree being sensitive to oneself and others is very special indeed……

And so it is……

Do you believe in a “Silver Lining???”

The Purest Soul1 Comment

 

Dreamy
Every situation has a Silver Lining. Whether we will experience the benefits of it depends entirely on our focus.           Paulette De-Har

Condemnation of any other never gets anybody anywhere they are wanting to go, this is for sure, even if it does temporarily feel good to do!!!

 

When we see anyone in our life doing something we don’t think is in our or their best interests, it’s virtually impossible not to feel some negative emotion about it, especially if it’s someone you are particulars close too or it’s a subject you feel particularly passionate about with strong underlying beliefs held behind it. It’s not about trying to eradicate any feelings of negative emotion we may have, this is not a very realistic goal in the world we’re living in now, it’s about knowing and exercising our own god given power to move into a better feeling place, therefore, drawing what we are wanting rather than what we are not wanting into our lives.

We choose to come into this physical world to experience and decide what we are wanting to live and to then focus positively and purely as we can until this is the dominant and strongest vibration within us on whatever is important to us. It’s never wrong to say this is how I want to live, this is what I am wanting to experience in my life, that is exactly what we came here to do, but problems can arise when we focus intently and strongly on the things we are not liking and don’t want to experience rather than focusing on what we love and are wanting to experience. If we are able to diligently focus more on what we are wanting and clear any resistant that turns-up by making an effort to move to the best feeling place we can find when faced with unwanted circumstances, it’s only a matter of time before we will see signs of our improved vibrational place in the way of thoughts, feelings, and eventually manifestations that match the dominant vibrational place we have consistently achieved. This is the Law of Attraction responding to the vibrations we emit through our focused thoughts and feelings with every living species on this planet being responded to equally. Not one sits outside of this all-encompassing powerful law, whether we are aware of it or not!!!

The strength of negative emotions we may feel when experiencing unwanted circumstances will depend greatly on how much momentum we have going in a positive direction versus how much momentum we have going in a negative direction. Whether the momentum we have created is positive or negative directly correlates with what will be predominantly turning up in our physical manifestations as the Law of Attraction responds to the thoughts and feelings, the vibrations we’re sending out.
It’s interesting to realise that when we focus negatively or don’t make an effort to move negative emotions into a better place when observing those we love doing things we don’t feel are in their or our best interests, we are adding power and momentum to what we are not wanting to experience and making it more unlikely that we will the recipient of what we are wanting. This is how we help to inspire the exact circumstances or behaviours we are not wanting out of others!!!

The truth is no matter what we do, we cannot truly control any other in our experience. If we believe we have power over others, this is an illusion, for one must freely give their power away to another, it is always a two-way street. We are all free to choose that which we do our actions, that which we say our words, and that which we think and feel no matter what someone else thinks, says or does about it. The best we can hope to do is to make peace with what others around us are doing especially those we love and care about, for this gives us the best possibility of experiencing and inspiring more of what we are wanting and less of what we are not wanting and lets the other know…..
Your way may not be the way that I would choose, but I know you came here to live your life the way you want to live not how someone else thinks you should live and I trust that you are doing the best that you can and I will do the best that I can to make my experience better by feeling good and focusing on the things I’m wanting to experience and all that is already wonderful in my life.

If we don’t feel we are able to feel better about what someone close to us is doing because it goes against something we strongly believe, a belief we do not wish to change because we believe it serves us very well, or maybe it doesn’t serve us well, we’re just not prepared to make the effort to change, because lets face it, long-held beliefs are not that easy to change even if they aren’t serving us very well. If judgement, resentment, and blame are allowed to grow, this often accumulates until the dissolution of the relationship happens. Although this is often difficult, it is a very good opportunity to release resistance and move to an even better feeling place that will attract even more wanted circumstances into our future experiences…

Yes……there’s a silver lining to every cloud, no matter how black that cloud may be, but we do have to believe it’s there to find it and to make it our daily work to move ourselves into the close vicinity of it by focusing on all the good that is already in our lives!!!

And so it is….

I do not play happy families…..Do you???

The Purest SoulLeave a comment

HayField
This is by no means a statement suggesting I don’t like or don’t want to have happy family interactions in my life…..I definitely do.
It’s more a statement that I will not “play or pretend” that everything is rainbows and lollipops, when it is not!!!

Whether or not we’re prepared to play the game of “happy families” when we are not will depend on the choices we believe we have before us, and which choices we believe will give us the best feeling or most wanted outcome.

Some may argue and say, “No, I don’t want to do it, but I’m doing it for the children, or my parents, or my partner, or whomever else’s expectations or influence I’ve put as more important than mine.”
And I say yes, nothing is purely black and white when we’re dealing with many different people in different vibrational places bringing varied beliefs and life experiences to the table. It can make for some very challenging situations and difficult choices to be made.
But when all the complexities of any decision we’re making are taken into consideration, we must acknowledge that it’s always our final decision on what we do. No other has the power to make us do what we are not wanting to do, even if we think they do….They do not, it’s our choice.

I know it’s not always easy if we’ve made it our job to try to keep others happy by doing what they think we should do. Putting someone else’s happiness above what we’re wanting to do or what we believe is best for us is rarely a good idea unless we are able to put all our positive feelings and thoughts behind the choices that we’ve made, even if it is primarily for someone else’s benefit. It’s when we go against what we really want to do for someone else and feel resentful about it when things can go off in the ditch in an unpleasant way…..Hehehe (Opps….Just laughing about the “off in the ditch” bit!!!)
But seriously, I know it’s not nice when things don’t work out how we wanted them too, like who does???
If we make a decision to be true to ourselves and do what we are wanting even though others may not like it, it’s important to focus on all the positives of making our decision and to stand firm in our own thoughts.
If we make a decision to do something we aren’t wanting to really do but feel others will benefit and that’s very important to us, we need to do the same by focusing on all the positives of making our decision and try not to entertain resentful or negative thoughts.

We may not be able to control what others are doing and saying…..Let me rephrase that, we definitely aren’t able to control what others do and say, but one thing is for sure, we can control what we do and say. By taking the time to move to a better feeling vibrational place before we find ourselves in a less than wanted situation, greatly increases the possibility of circumstances unfolding in a more wanted direction as the Law of Attraction responds to our improved feeling place on the subject.

When all is said and done, no matter what we do, some things will always play themselves out. This is because when we’re interacting with others there is a mixture of vibrations that the Law of Attraction will be responding too. What manifests in these situations will be a blending of those vibrations, with the person that has focused for the longest time with the strongest emotional intensity usually dominating the vibrational space and effecting what is currently manifesting the most.

The person with the thoughts that have gained the most power and momentum through a lot of focused attention over time, whether they are positive and wanted or negative and unwanted will often influence the others vibrations they’re interacting with into their vibrational place, unless one is very strong and not easily moved from their vibrational place by others.

So the moral of the story is…..

~We are all free to choose what we are wanting to do.
~Once we’ve made a decision, focus on all the good that will come from your decision and feel good about it.
~Be easily influenced into a positive good feeling vibrational place by the happy ones around you!!!
~Stand firm in your positive good feeling vibrational place when around unhappy ones…..And for gods sake, don’t stay around them for too long unless you feel like you need to be miserable for a while to appreciate how good it is to feel awesome again!!!

Hehehe…..How true is that!!!

And so it is….

I’d like to make the world a better place…..I just don’t know how…..

The Purest SoulLeave a comment

 

Earth
It is not possible to change others. The only hope of changing the world is to change ourselves for the better first.          Paulette De-Har.

This is something someone said in general conversation, and as soon as the words were said, a whole bombardment of thoughts entered my mind as to the answer to her proposed question.
Of course, it was a question asked without the intention or anticipation of receiving an answer too, more of a thinking aloud moment than a real desire to know the answer.
The truth is, it’s virtually impossible to receive answers to questions we don’t believe there are answers too. When people say they want to “make the world a better place,” often what people really mean goes something like;

 

Through my personal experience and perspective on life, I have come to know what I think is the best way to live and what I believe is “right or wrong,” but as I look around, I see many people doing things I don’t agree with, things I find to be wrong. Initially I tried to control those around me but have figured out that’s a very difficult task to accomplish and doesn’t usually end well, so I suppose I’ve just come to the conclusion that there’ll always be things out there that I have to accept are not what I’m wanting, that I don’t think I can feel good about. (God damn all those people out there that aren’t living their lives how I think they should live!!! Hehehe… Oops, sorry if you don’t think that’s funny!!)

See the hopelessness in all of that….

We cannot make the world a better place for everyone else to live in, that’s not our job. We did not come forward into this physical world to control others and tell them how they should live their lives based on our life experiences or to change everything to how we feel it would be better for others. Each came here to decide how to live based on their life experiences, and that’s the way it’s supposed to be, it’s no accident.

But we absolutely came forward to make our own world a better place by focusing on all we’ve decided from our own personal experience and perspective, how we’re wanting to live. It’s not possible to eradicate any part of this world we’re currently living in. We make our world the world we’re wanting to live in by focusing on all we are wanting and find to be good, and that’s what the Law of Attraction will bring to us. Focusing on all that we don’t like or don’t agree with from a not good feeling, negative, vibrational place, will bring us something quite different to what we’re wanting….

Many have come to know it’s not possible to control any other for any great length of time. Even those that may have initially liked being guided and controlled by others, eventually find these circumstances intolerable as they grow up and have more life experiences helping them to decide more clearly who they are and what they are wanting out of life. For those that are either harshly controlled or trying to control others, there will eventually be an awakening, usually in the form of strong manifestations that helps them to move forward in a more positive direction.
For the controller, it’s about letting go of control and learning to feel good apart from requiring everyone that’s around them to behave in a certain way, so they can feel good.
For the controlled, it’s about coming into our true power and standing up for who we are and what we believe in a positive, good feeling way.

It’s not something we really need to worry about though because whether we’re aware of these things or not, opportunities are constantly being presented to us every single day that are gradually helping us to move into better and better places.
We are making the world a better place by focusing and attracting more of that which is good into our own lives, for that gives more positive things in the world for everyone to focus on and attract into their lives….And so the cycle goes on!!!

Talk about the cycle of life!!!

And so it is….

Some truths about marriage…

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Babe&MeLaugh
Marriage means different things to different people, but it is generally accepted by most, that it is a commitment between two people, into an intimate relationship that excludes all others and lasts, “till death do us part”.

Well, that’s a very nice idea in a perfect world, actually, that’s a nice idea in any world. The question that’s interesting to ask is, is it really possible in the days that we are now living?
Absolutely yes, it’s completely possible, especially if that’s what we’re wanting, so why the high incidence of separation? As you can imagine, there are millions of reasons why people may separate, but often, there tends to be misconceptions or misguided beliefs about life, marriage, and relationships that contribute to this, therefore causing a flow on effect of smaller disagreements, and eventually more serious incidents.

Addressing misconceptions or false beliefs, not just the symptoms, is key, for running around trying to deal with the symptoms without addressing the deeper underlying causes, does not usually work, or only works in the short-term.
As you eradicate one symptom, another one rears its head, for the underlined cause is still there, and has not been dealt with.

A major misconceptions or false belief is, that it’s another person’s job to keep us happy. Now it goes without saying that most want to have uplifting and positive interactions with those around them, and that is a great desire, but if you are relying on others to always provide you with this, you get yourself, and whoever you are interacting with, in a very difficult position, for now you require them to behave in specific ways, before you allow yourself to be happy.

This is a sure way to stifle any relationship, for when you start requiring specific behaviour from others, you give them the responsibility for making you happy, rather than being responsible and in control, of your own happiness. Living in this way is like being on a rollercoaster, for you have made your happiness dependent on what the other is, or is not doing. For the person expected to behave in specific ways to please the other, this is very tiresome, and over time, becomes a burden that leads to resentment.
I’m not saying it’s not nice when people are behaving in ways we find to be wonderful, of course it is, and yes, we’d be crazy not to be happy about that when it happens, but when this is a prerequisite we require before allowing ourselves to be happy, we’re in for a rough ride.
Our true power and freedom comes from being able to be happy, apart from what others are doing. I know it isn’t always easy when coming from a life experience where you needed to behave in ways to make those around you happy, where there were often strong negative consequences if we did not. I suppose it’s natural that we often follow the same path that we were brought up with, but part of growing up, is questioning the beliefs that have been passed to us and deciding for ourselves, how we want to live our life now!

Are the beliefs that have been passed to me by my family, my community or my religion relevant to the life I’m living now? These questions can only be asked and answered by each individual, for no other is in a better position, to decide what is best for you, than you are. When you allow yourself and others the freedom to be who they really are, not just in marriage, but in all relationships, and you make it your job to keep yourself happy apart from how others are or are not behaving, you are a pure joy to be around!
For true love is synonymous with freedom, and freedom is at the very core of who we really are!

And so our journey continues….