It’s not always easy to truly support someone you love?

SnowTigerWhenever we feel someone we care about needs support whether it be emotionally, financially or in some other way, it’s always a balancing act.
During difficult times it can be tempting to try and fix someone else’s problems by doing too much for them or telling them what to do. Although this may be preferable to leaving someone to struggle on alone, it can prevent them from the learning and achieving the growth that often comes from going through difficult circumstances that will help them to cope and deal with similar situations that could happen in the future.
It’s only natural we may feel negative emotion when listening to the struggles of a loved one because naturally, we want to see them happy, but helping someone too much can come from our own desire to feel happy by seeing the person we love feeling better.
In reality, every situation is different with both people having their own personal perspective about what’s happening and we can only ever do what we feel is best at any given moment. When emotions are running high, sometimes all anyone really needs is someone to listen to how they are feeling without judgement rather than coming up with 100 ideas on how to fix the problem. I’m not saying that some well considered gentle advice may not be a good idea if we strongly feel it will help, but when someone is in turmoil they are often not in the place to be able to hear or put into action any advice and instead it may cause them to become more confused or even worse, feel like they are being judged in a negative way.
Men especially like to fix things and when faced with an emotionally unstable female counterpart often use all their brain power to come up with as many actions as they can to try and rectify the problem as quickly as possible. Although much of the time this is coming from a place of caring, things can quickly turn pear shaped if one isn’t careful.
I suppose the moral of the story is most of us can and do sort our own problems out one way or another and often all we require is someone to truly listen to us without judgment and with compassion and love.
When we truly listen without taking on our counterparts negative emotions and feeling bad ourselves by making a conscious effort to stay in a neutral or positive emotional place, this is the best support we can provide that doesn’t dictate what should be done but let’s the other feel, express and possibly let go of the negative emotions they are feeling. When we understand it is through the thoughts and emotions we feel that creates our future life experiences, we can know what a great service listening to another can provide without the need to give any advice.
You only need to observe people to know it’s difficult to find someone who can listen to others in this way as most people have so much going on in their own lives that much of their thought process is taken up with what they are currently doing and dealing with depriving them of the ability to be able to truly listen to another. If we have had the good fortune to have someone who has been in the place to truly listen to us when we’ve needed it, we can know the great difference it can make to us as we move forward. Sometimes it’s the smallest things that make the biggest differences in our lives.

No one else can really solve our problems for us no matter what advice we’ve been given. It is always each individuals responsibility to decide what is best for themselves. It was never supposed to be someone else’s job to tell others how they should live their lives and what they should be doing, that’s what each person came here to decide for themselves. By just being there for someone and listening gives them the opportunity to get how they are feeling out and make space for healing and clarity to come in…….

And so it does…..

I’ve sacrificed so much for this…….Uh oh!!

If we feel like we’ve given up a lot for anything, whether it be our career, family, children, or friends, this can set us up for disappointment if the effort we feel we’ve put into such things is not reciprocated.

I often hear people say they do many things for their children and feel like their efforts are not appreciated.
And I say, if course our efforts are not appreciated….Children in these days are coming forward with a much stronger understanding of who they are, and who others are. They’re understanding whatever someone does is their choice and not so much about them, even if we are trying to tell them what we’re doing is only for their benefit. If we are feeling resentful about the things we are choosing to do for our children…..this is not ideal.

I know we all have to do thing’s sometimes that we’d rather not,(like going to children’s birthday parties!!!) And yes, maybe we’re doing it because we feel we should, but it’s important to make an effort to move into a better feeling place regarding whatever we’ve chosen to do otherwise it does leave one feeling quite resentful if appreciation for the unwanted effort we’ve made isn’t reciprocated.

From the viewpoint of Law of Attraction, if we are receiving back that which we are giving out through our vibration, and we are, when we feel annoyed or under appreciated, if we give these thoughts and actions plenty of air time and focus through our thought process the likelihood of receiving back appreciation for our efforts are not great. The more actions we take and feel annoyed, under appreciated, or begrudgingly do without improving our thought, the greater the possibility of attracting more circumstances where we may feel under appreciated!!

I know that may sound a bit, well…..annoying, but the truth is, even if we are doing something for someone else’s benefit, we must admit at some level, we are also doing it for ourselves, because we feel it’s the best choice we can make at that time. (even if it is a choice better two unwanted circumstances) It’s about taking responsibility for the choices we make and feeling as good as we can about them, rather than blaming others for “all that we have to do for them!”

Of course it’s wonderful when others appreciate what we do, it would be pretty unusual if we didn’t like to be appreciated, but it must be enough that it’s what we want to do, that it’s something we believe is good or of benefit to ourselves first, and then others.

Trying to make anyone feel guilty by telling them all the things we are doing “just for them,” is not usually a good idea and often encourages a greater lack of appreciation…..unless of course, we bring very unwanted consequences upon them.
Learning to appreciate that which we currently have rather than focusing on that which we do not yet have is a very important part of the creation process, for it’s our positive focus on all that we already have that is working well and good that is the easiest path to all we’re wanting in our future experience!! (Remember, Law of Attraction)

Appreciation is a difficult concept to teach to our children because they believe it’s their natural birthright to have anything they are wanting, and they aren’t too far off the mark with that knowing. I encourage this belief in my children (yes, I really do!!) and explain to them they also need to foster an attitude of appreciation for all they already have that is good rather than focusing on what they don’t immediately get. We also talk about the Law of Attraction and how we’re pre-paving our future experiences by how we are feeling now, and that making an effort to feel as good as we possibly can, especially in the face of unwanted circumstances, is the best we can currently do!
The best way we can hope to teach our children how to appreciate what they currently have is by being an example of appreciation ourselves. I’m not talking about over praising every tiny thing in an out of proportion general way, but more focusing on the good that we see all around us in very genuine and specific ways.

It’s not possible to fake true appreciation, and when we are looking for things to appreciate, it’s not long before the Universe delivers us circumstances that start matching that dominant vibration within us, and that is what one might say is…. “Choice”!!

And so it is….

Ignorance is bliss….Or is it???

Well I would have to agree with this statement, as long as we’re ignorant, it often is bliss because you don’t know what you don’t know, and what you don’t know can’t hurt you…( so I’ve heard? )
Well, that’s not entirely true, it can hurt us, it’s just we don’t know it’s hurting us.
The only drawback about ignorance being bliss is that there is no awareness of what we are creating in our life and how we are creating it.
Therefore the ability to deliberately move into a better vibrational
( thoughts and emotions ) places is not consciously considered because we have not been aware we have the ability to move our thoughts on any and all subjects that are important to us.
This usually means we’re living our life by default, by this I mean we may be believing things in our life are just happening “to us” and that we are powerless to do anything about it.
And although this is very far from the truth, it can often feel this way to the unaware, again this comes from not knowing how life is working and how we are creating our own life experiences.
This prevents us from taking any responsibility for what’s happening in our lives and it will be unlikely we will make an effort to move to a place that feels better than where we are by choosing thoughts that feel slightly better than what we are currently thinking.
Why would anyone make an effort to do such a thing? ( because it does take some effort ) If we don’t know what we are experiencing in our life is a result of our focused thoughts and feelings ( vibrations ) and that the Law of Attraction is responding to and reflecting back to us the original vibration frequency we’ve emitted with matching physical manifestations, we just wouldn’t make an effort.
Instead, we often do what we have been taught as we were growing up and what the majority of other human beings on this planet are doing, and that is…
Observing whatever is in front of us and having an uncontrolled, knee-jerk emotional response to it.
If it’s something we consider to be “unwanted, wrong, bad, or inappropriate behaviour,” whether it’s judgment of ourselves or others, we will usually feel strong negative emotion.
Feeling negative emotion is not bad, but it is an important sign, and very valuable communication from our Inner Being, the Non-Physical part of us, letting us know we are now focusing on something that we do not wish to experience and we would be well advised to change our focus to something we are wanting to experience, or anything that feels slightly better than where we currently are.
That being said, once we begin down the path of awareness and start to understanding how we are creating our life, not because someone else told us how life works, but because we have seen and experienced it in our own life experiences, there is no turning back so to speak.
We cannot un-know what we have come to know through the living of our own life, and although everything does constantly change and evolve as we move through time, you can never go back to a time when you did not know what you now know, even if you wanted to.
And yes, we will all have moments when we may wish we could have stayed in our world of ignorance and blame, but we usually get over that given some time and reflection. ( and let us not forget awesomely improved physical manifestations!! )
I suppose that would be denial, but even if we do deny that which we know, it will only be a matter of time before it becomes no longer possible to deny the truth of how life is working, for as the Law of Attraction delivers us evidence of the truths we have become aware of and that are pulsing strongly within us, we will see it everywhere we turn, and it becomes a futile endeavour to continue to deny it.
At this point comes acceptance of the truth, and this is a very good place to be.
Nothing is more important than knowing the truth about how life is working and knowing the truth of who we really are, for once we know this, we can start “deliberately creating” the more joyful experience we all came here to live!!
Life is supposed to be good….

And so it is….

Are you free to choose???

Are you free to choose every and all things in your life? That’s an interesting question, let’s look at that a little more closely….

So, every choice we’ve made up until today has bought you to the place we are in now. Some may disagree, saying many of the choices they made were forced upon them, either from parents or by getting in a situation where whatever choice was available to us, was an unwanted choice. Although this feels like we didn’t have a choice, the truth is, we always have a choice.
Maybe our choices were motivated from not wanting to experience the negative consequences others placed on us, or from making many choices that eventually lead us down a path where whatever choices were available, are unwanted, and although that feels like it wasn’t really our choice, it was.

Many of our choices come from being indoctrinated with our parents beliefs and ideologies regarding culture, religion, and community living. We could have chosen differently, but sometimes, when we are young, we’re not even aware there is another choice, and sometimes it’s simply not wanting to experience unwanted consequences that may arise from making a different choice.
We were and still are, motivated to different choices for many different reasons, whether it’s to keep someone else happy, to feel part of the group, to be liked by others, to be admired, or to be loved. Our choices, whatever they may be, for whatever reason, are usually based on what we believe is the best choice at that time, the choice we think will bring us closest to what we are wanting or what will make us happy.

It can be worth while, taking the time to ponder what it is that motivates our choices. For example, if it’s important to always have the approval of those around us, we put ourselves in an almost impossible position, for now our choices are based on what we think others expect or think is best for us, rather that what we think and feel is best for us.
In the beginning it may feel reassuring to have other peoples approval over the choices we make, but no other is really in a better position than us, to decide what is best for us, even if we think that they are.

Always seeking others opinions over what, how, and when we should be doing anything, erodes confidence, making it very difficult to make decisions on our own as we move forward through time. Taking advice from others can also lead to blaming if things don’t turn out as planned, preventing us from taking responsibility for our own choices, learning from them, changing, and making different choices where required. Blaming others may feel better in the short-term, but rarely moves us in the direction of what we’re wanting.

I’m not suggesting we should never seek advice from another, as it can be very helpful to listen to what others have to say if they’re positively focused, especially if they have achieved something you are desiring for yourself, but in the end, the final decision should be ours.

Knowing you are free to choose, and in control of your own life is paramount to really being happy, for as long as we believe anyone else has power over us, or knows better than you what you should or should not be doing, you cannot be truly happy.
For just as you came into this physical world free, you will leave this physical world free, and everything else in between, is your choice.
Are you making the choices that are in YOUR best interests??

And so our journey continues….

Some truths about marriage…

Marriage means different things to different people, but it is generally accepted by most, that it is a commitment between two people, into an intimate relationship that excludes all others and lasts, “till death do us part”.

Well, that’s a very nice idea in a perfect world, actually, that’s a nice idea in any world. The question that’s interesting to ask is, is it really possible in the days that we are now living?
Absolutely yes, it’s completely possible, especially if that’s what we’re wanting, so why the high incidence of separation? As you can imagine, there are millions of reasons why people may separate, but often, there tends to be misconceptions or misguided beliefs about life, marriage, and relationships that contribute to this, therefore causing a flow on effect of smaller disagreements, and eventually more serious incidents.

Addressing misconceptions or false beliefs, not just the symptoms, is key, for running around trying to deal with the symptoms without addressing the deeper underlying causes, does not usually work, or only works in the short-term.
As you eradicate one symptom, another one rears its head, for the underlined cause is still there, and has not been dealt with.

A major misconceptions or false belief is, that it’s another person’s job to keep us happy. Now it goes without saying that most want to have uplifting and positive interactions with those around them, and that is a great desire, but if you are relying on others to always provide you with this, you get yourself, and whoever you are interacting with, in a very difficult position, for now you require them to behave in specific ways, before you allow yourself to be happy.

This is a sure way to stifle any relationship, for when you start requiring specific behaviour from others, you give them the responsibility for making you happy, rather than being responsible and in control, of your own happiness. Living in this way is like being on a rollercoaster, for you have made your happiness dependent on what the other is, or is not doing. For the person expected to behave in specific ways to please the other, this is very tiresome, and over time, becomes a burden that leads to resentment.
I’m not saying it’s not nice when people are behaving in ways we find to be wonderful, of course it is, and yes, we’d be crazy not to be happy about that when it happens, but when this is a prerequisite we require before allowing ourselves to be happy, we’re in for a rough ride.
Our true power and freedom comes from being able to be happy, apart from what others are doing. I know it isn’t always easy when coming from a life experience where you needed to behave in ways to make those around you happy, where there were often strong negative consequences if we did not. I suppose it’s natural that we often follow the same path that we were brought up with, but part of growing up, is questioning the beliefs that have been passed to us and deciding for ourselves, how we want to live our life now!

Are the beliefs that have been passed to me by my family, my community or my religion relevant to the life I’m living now? These questions can only be asked and answered by each individual, for no other is in a better position, to decide what is best for you, than you are. When you allow yourself and others the freedom to be who they really are, not just in marriage, but in all relationships, and you make it your job to keep yourself happy apart from how others are or are not behaving, you are a pure joy to be around!
For true love is synonymous with freedom, and freedom is at the very core of who we really are!

And so our journey continues….