Marriage

Am I being a good Husband or Wife???

The Purest Soul1 Comment

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That depends on a few different factors such as, what we believe being a good husband or wife involves and whether or not it’s important for us to live up to those beliefs.

In the past I have felt quite uncomfortable when people have suggested I’m being a good housewife. Of course when this is said it’s usually coming from a good feeling place….But it does make me think about the whole husband, wife, and marriage relationships many of us are living.

Traditionally, being a good Husband or Wife usually meant that we would do what was prescribed or largely accepted by the society, community or culture we grew up within, that we may have felt we needed to adhere too, in order to be seen as appropriate or good?

I’m not suggesting many of these values are not working, especially if they are what we’re really wanting to do within our relationships, but it’s not ideal if we’re putting what we are really wanting secondary to what everyone else thinks we should be doing, or what we think others think we should be doing!

Although all the relationships we’re within are constantly changing and we are continually coming to new and improved decisions on how to move forward in the most positive ways we can from wherever we are vibrationally, it’s true to say, if we are always putting someone else’s needs before our own needs, not so much because we want too, but more because we feel this is the way we have to behave otherwise we aren’t a good husband or wife…..Well…..I don’t know???

And yes, I know there needs to be a bit of give and take in every relationship, but if we don’t get our thought in the best feeling place we can when we do compromise, so that it becomes not as much of a compromise, but more something we are wanting to do for ourselves, and the other, this is a much better place to be coming from. If we often do things just for the other without getting ourselves in a good feeling place, we can expect a lot of appreciation in return for our efforts, which we often don’t receive because the other believes we should have wanted to do it, hence two slightly annoyed people!!

It does not matter what type of relationships we’re talking about, getting the best out of them always requires a similar formula.

~Above all other things, be true to who we are and what we’re wanting, and listen to the Inner Guidance we’re receiving from within through our emotions, for this is guiding us to everything we’re wanting, not just in our relationships but in everything.
~Know what it is that we want to bring into our relationship that’s going to make it more Awesome, not just what we want the other to be like or to give.
~Make it a priority to be responsible for our own happiness, rather than relying on someone else to provide that happiness for us.
~Allow others freedom to be themselves, if we are trying to change them, this does not feel good for either party and can cause relationships that were good to turn not so good because of focus on everything about the other we’re not liking!! Remember, the Law of Attraction is responding to our dominant thoughts and feelings on all subjects that are important to us, so if we focus strongly on everything we don’t like about someone, even if it is someone we love deeply, so we receive more of what we are not wanting.
~Sometimes we just need to chill out and relax a bit and not take everything so seriously, choose what’s really important and let the not so important stuff go.
~Know that all usually works out for the best, even when it’s sometimes hard to see how straight away….
It isn’t supposed to be so much hard work, it’s supposed to be fun!!

And so it is….

Any communication is better than NO communication….Uhhhmmm???

The Purest SoulLeave a comment

P&CWater
Well,….That depends I suppose, on how the communication we’re having feels in comparison to not communicating.

One thing is for sure though, if we are not communicating within the close and intimate relationships where having with others in a mostly neutral or positive way, especially when challenges present themselves, long-term this is not that good.
Although good communication is the foundation for happy, good feeling, positive relationships, in the short-term it can sometimes be better to say nothing if we feel full of resentment or anger, for communicating with anyone from this place rarely achieves what ones wanting straight away or in the long term either.
By this I mean, when we’re in a strongly negative feeling place and expressing that outwardly towards another, we may feel some temporary relief at letting that emotion out, but there is no thoughts, words or actions that do not have consequences based on the Universal Laws we all live by.

Thoughts that are thought about for long enough produce words that we speak and actions that we take, and as those words and actions are all originally inspired from thought, the Law of Attraction responds to our focused thoughts by sending us people, places and circumstances that are matching the dominant feelings we have going on within us on the subjects that are important to us. (and any subject we’re feeling strong positive or negative emotion too, is a subject that’s important to us) So we always get back what we give out eventually, and it’s easy to see no ones wanting negative and unwanted circumstances in their lives!!

Sometimes we may think that this means we need to be nice to everyone or do nothing when others treat us in a not nice way….And I say “No way,” not retaliating against someone that’s not being very nice, or more to the point, not currently being much of who they really are, is about knowing that by doing such things as returning negative that’s been given out by others just brings that negative vibration into our own lives.

Although 99% of the time it is better to ignore such people or circumstances and move to a better feeling place by ourselves in our own time, sometimes we do need to stand up and say something regarding negativity that someone else is directing towards us, even if they haven’t expressed it in words or actions yet, especially if it’s someone you spend a lot of time with or that’s important to you. If we do feel the need to say something, a good plan is to speak from the best feeling place we can find at that time and to do our conscious best to stay as calm as we can during our interaction. If things get too heated and not good feeling, it takes restraint, but it’s best to leave the conversation.
Resentment and anger about anything within our relationship that is not moved into a better feeling vibrational place either by ourselves or by communicating with the other, eventually kills relationships and is often the beginning of the end if left to grow…..
Even if we do feel a relationship is at its end, it’s still important for us to move into a better feeling place regarding it…..For this ensures the relationships we have in the future will not carry the emotional resistance of our previous relationships.
Letting go of resistance always moves us closer to that which we are really wanting 100%, so let go of any resentment you maybe feeling towards others if you can….
And remember, you are doing it first and foremost for yourself, and if others gain benefit from it, that’s even better….

And so it is….

Good relationships are all about compromise….Well, that depends???

The Purest SoulLeave a comment

MoonStar
Whether or not this statement is true or not for us, depends on what our belief or definition of compromise is, and what we believe a good relationship should be.

It would be fairly accurate to say that many people’s definition of compromise is having to make concessions or accept something less than what we may have truly been wanting, against ones will for the benefit of finding a suitable resolution or agreement of opinion, between two or more people.

Most pronounce this to be a wonderful thing that makes relationships work, and of course we cannot expect to have everything our own way if we are wanting to have a healthy and happy relationship where both parties are feeling valued and respected, but whether this is a positive aspect in the relationships we currently have, depends entirely on how much one may be having to “compromise” and how they feel when they’re doing this.

The most important factor that supersedes everything else is, “How am I feeling about the compromise I’m making now?” which will be influenced by many different variables such as;
~ How often am I compromising in this relationship?
~ How much does my partner compromise, is there a fairly equal reciprocation between both parties?
~ How strongly did I want things to work out how I envisioned?
~ How big is the compromise I’m making, and how long will it last for?
There will also be many other factors that will be specific to different situations and relationships.

As long as we’re interacting with other people, we will all need to navigate our way through differences of opinions of what we are wanting, but I don’t think it’s hard to know, if we feel we’re having to constantly compromise on circumstances that we feel strongly about, and that it isn’t evenly shared between both parties, this is when resentment can grow, especially if it ins’t addressed and talked about in the early stages of feeling resentful.

If resentment is not dealt with, it doesn’t usually go away by itself. Felt and caught in the early stages, it’s possible to easily move ourselves into a better feeling vibrational place by focusing on all the positive aspects of our situation, whereas if not dealt with, it grows in intensity with each similar experience that unfolds, until as many people say, “The last straw that breaks the camels back” often happens.

Although getting things out in the open can often be good, and can help us to move forward in a more positive direction, if our negative emotions have grown very strong with a lot of power and momentum behind them, it’s very hard to talk in a calm and productive way, and communication can become a bit….well, explosive!! It’s not the end of the world if this happens, once both parties have had time to calm down, that can be when some positive progress can be made, if both parties are still wanting a positive resolution.
If we’re feeling like we have to constantly compromise within our relationships, it is not ideal. The best option in these circumstances is to make an effort to move to a better feeling vibrational place rather than agreeing to what others want and then feeling resentful because we’ve had to give up something we’re wanting for the other.
If we’re finding it hard to move to a positive feeling place and cannot accommodate what another wants happily, it’s better to spend more time discussing the situation and trying to find a solution together that both will be happy with, because it’s always usually there, it’s just a matter of taking the time and effort to find it!

So although we may initially feel some negative emotion when we’re compromising, it’s not until we move all our thought regarding whatever we’re compromising about into a positive feeling vibrational place, that it’s no longer a compromise, now it is something we are wanting to do for ourselves, not just something we’re doing for someone else.
That’s a great vibrational place to be in, and that’s what I would call “A win, win situation!”

And so it is….

Luck has nothing to do with it…. Truly, it doesn’t!

The Purest SoulLeave a comment

ProblemQuote
Although I try not to complain too much to others and prefer to move into a better feeling vibrational place on my own regarding whatever I may have resistance about, like everyone here, I do sometimes slip and complain.
So the other day I was complaining about being busier than usual, and by husband commented, “You’re just lucky every day is not like that!”
Well, I’m not quite sure what possessed him to say such a thing (that’s not true, I knew exactly what he was trying to tell me of course) and my response was a very strong, “Luck has nothing to do with it!” Which pretty much ended the conversation. (Which was my way of saying, “I can’t believe you just said that to me, you know what I think about that comment!”)
There are a number of very different perspectives this comment can come from, both positive and negative.
1. I see things are working out well for you and I have no idea how, but would love to know how!
2. I see things are working out well for you and it makes me feel jealous because nothing seems to be working out well for me and I don’t know why?
3. I see things are working out well for you, and I’m annoyed because it feels like I’m working much harder than you but not receiving what I feel I deserve.
4. I see things are working out well for you, I bet you’re really appreciating it; I totally want to know what you’re doing! Do you think some of that will rub off on me!(Hehehe….I hope so!)
It’s not so much about the words we are speaking, but the intentions we hold while we are speaking them. (Remember, it’s not possible to hide what our true intentions are, the Universe knows, and so does everyone else usually) But it would be true to say, the better our intentions are as we speak our words, the more meaning and importance these words have, especially when they are heard by one that’s in a close enough vibrational vicinity to truly hear them.

So in the past it annoyed me when people commented I was “so lucky” when something good was happening in my life, because I always felt like no matter whether this was coming from a generally positive place or a negative place on their part, it always downplayed anything we may have done through our thought and action preceding this wanted circumstance turning up, as if things were just unfolding magically in our favour, with no effort or input from ourselves? And although this may be how it sometimes appears when observing others, there’s always more to the story than this.
There are many ways one can go about achieving that which they are wanting, but it always comes down to what our thoughts are regarding whatever we’re wanting, that then inspires action.
What did I just say?
I think I said, every action, no matter what that action is, is inspired by and through the thoughts we’ve predominantly been thinking in relation to whatever the subject is we’ve been thinking about.
So for anyone to take any action, positive or negative, wanted or unwanted, there has been thoughts that have been given enough focused attention (whether we’ve been aware of them or not) that the Law of Attraction has responded in-kind to, that attracts manifestations of the same vibrational frequency and inspires us into actions that are also in the same vibrational vicinity.
That’s a very good thing to know, don’t you think?
What that means, is that by the time we feel inspired into taking action, there is quite a lot of momentum behind us that makes it quite difficult to pull back from doing…. which isn’t a problem when it’s a positive action that is moving us in a direction we are wanting to go, but if it’s a negative action that is moving us in a direction we are not wanting to go, it takes some very strong will power to not carry that action out to its conclusion.
Well, now you might be thinking, “That doesn’t sound too good now?” And I say, “It is not possible to hide from the truth, the truth is the truth, whether we are liking it or not.”
But like I’ve said before “Knowledge is Power”

And so it is…

Some truths about marriage…

The Purest SoulLeave a comment

Babe&MeLaugh
Marriage means different things to different people, but it is generally accepted by most, that it is a commitment between two people, into an intimate relationship that excludes all others and lasts, “till death do us part”.

Well, that’s a very nice idea in a perfect world, actually, that’s a nice idea in any world. The question that’s interesting to ask is, is it really possible in the days that we are now living?
Absolutely yes, it’s completely possible, especially if that’s what we’re wanting, so why the high incidence of separation? As you can imagine, there are millions of reasons why people may separate, but often, there tends to be misconceptions or misguided beliefs about life, marriage, and relationships that contribute to this, therefore causing a flow on effect of smaller disagreements, and eventually more serious incidents.

Addressing misconceptions or false beliefs, not just the symptoms, is key, for running around trying to deal with the symptoms without addressing the deeper underlying causes, does not usually work, or only works in the short-term.
As you eradicate one symptom, another one rears its head, for the underlined cause is still there, and has not been dealt with.

A major misconceptions or false belief is, that it’s another person’s job to keep us happy. Now it goes without saying that most want to have uplifting and positive interactions with those around them, and that is a great desire, but if you are relying on others to always provide you with this, you get yourself, and whoever you are interacting with, in a very difficult position, for now you require them to behave in specific ways, before you allow yourself to be happy.

This is a sure way to stifle any relationship, for when you start requiring specific behaviour from others, you give them the responsibility for making you happy, rather than being responsible and in control, of your own happiness. Living in this way is like being on a rollercoaster, for you have made your happiness dependent on what the other is, or is not doing. For the person expected to behave in specific ways to please the other, this is very tiresome, and over time, becomes a burden that leads to resentment.
I’m not saying it’s not nice when people are behaving in ways we find to be wonderful, of course it is, and yes, we’d be crazy not to be happy about that when it happens, but when this is a prerequisite we require before allowing ourselves to be happy, we’re in for a rough ride.
Our true power and freedom comes from being able to be happy, apart from what others are doing. I know it isn’t always easy when coming from a life experience where you needed to behave in ways to make those around you happy, where there were often strong negative consequences if we did not. I suppose it’s natural that we often follow the same path that we were brought up with, but part of growing up, is questioning the beliefs that have been passed to us and deciding for ourselves, how we want to live our life now!

Are the beliefs that have been passed to me by my family, my community or my religion relevant to the life I’m living now? These questions can only be asked and answered by each individual, for no other is in a better position, to decide what is best for you, than you are. When you allow yourself and others the freedom to be who they really are, not just in marriage, but in all relationships, and you make it your job to keep yourself happy apart from how others are or are not behaving, you are a pure joy to be around!
For true love is synonymous with freedom, and freedom is at the very core of who we really are!

And so our journey continues….