I’ve been waiting for acceptance & approval from my parents for so long….

KnowThySelf
Unfortunately many people are not allowing themselves to really feel happy because they are waiting for one or both of their parents unconditional love and acceptance.
And of course it’s wonderful when we feel we have their love and approval, but if this is not the case, it’s often because each generation, in their own right is different to previous generations, (that’s what they call progress I think!!) and for many people who are not very accepting of change or are wishing others were different to what they really are, (or maybe more obedient than they are) this can be difficult for them to accept and be happy about.
If you do not feel like you have received the love, acceptance or approval you thought your parents should have given you as you were growing up (and possibly presently too?) The most important thing to know is….Their inability to love unconditionally is far more about them than it is about you!

If our parents were not feeling good about something we were or were not doing, it was their inability or not knowing how to move themselves into a better feeling vibrational place that caused them to look on us with negative emotions or judgements, rather than us being wrong. Of course we did things that may not have been ideal, but that is the purpose they were there, to teach and guide us in a “positive way.”
It’s a very difficult task to guide another positively when we are not in a very good feeling vibrational place ourselves, but add to that the belief that others must behave in specific ways before we allow ourselves to be happy….And that’s a recipe for….Well, being very controlling and unhappy.
If we are requiring others to behave in ways we find acceptable and make us feel good, we give others the job of making us happy rather than taking the power we’ve had since the day we made our way into this physical body (and before we came forward too!!) by using our mind to bring ourselves into a good feeling vibrational place that is not so reliant on what is happening around us or what others are doing.
Now, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but everyone here is doing their best to make themselves happy, which doesn’t leave a lot to time for making everyone else happy which is the way it should be, for you cannot know exactly what will make others happy, that’s their job to figure that out and move towards it.
For those that are trying every which way to make others happy, they will eventually find it an impossible task to achieve consistently.

This being true, not much good comes from holding onto resentment and negative feelings about the way our parents did or did not raise us, for no matter what they did, most did the best that they could based on what they knew at that time, just as we are doing our best to raise our children now, based on what we know. It’s important to acknowledge the past cannot be changed, but how we feel about it now, can be changed and moved into a better feeling place if that’s what were wanting to do.
If we did receive our parents unconditional love as we were growing-up, it gives one confidence and self-esteem as it confirms what young ones know strongly as they come forward into their physical bodies, “I am a very good human being that deserves to be loved.” But if we felt we did not receive parental love, it can set up a mindset that goes something like, “If my mother or father doesn’t love me, maybe I’m not good enough?”
Of course this is not true, and most of us would agree that just because someone doesn’t love us, it doesn’t make us unlovable, but it matters more when we’re young as we’re more easily influenced, especially by those we hold in high regard and are strongly connected too.

So whether or not we felt loved and accepted or approved of by our parents while we were growing up, and even now, there comes a time when we must decide for ourselves that we are good enough and worthy human beings….
Because “who we really are” is all these things, and so much more….And when we know this is who we are, now we can see it in all others, and I say “That is so good!!”

And so it is….

Is it stink….to like your own post???

BigRedMoon
Hehehe, Oh this cracks me up!!
When I first started my blog, I would have definitely said yes, it’s very stink to like your own post!! And it’s funny because when I initially set everything up, for some reason my profile picture was coming up in my own community, and I can’t tell you how much time I spent trying frantically to figure out why I was on there and how to get myself off!
So of course, as many of you bloggers out there will know, under my community settings I also had commenters checked, that’s why I was coming up.
Ok, disaster averted, I just changed the settings and all was good, I was no longer in my own community!
Now fast forward three months and I find myself with quite a different perspective on the subject, for a number of different reasons.

1. When looking at my blog stats of where referrers came from, I often ended up on my own page or posts and always ended up reading them again, especially if they were older posts as I often couldn’t remember exactly what it was about or what I’d written. When I’d get to the end of reading the post, if my husband was around I’d say, “I don’t know who wrote this but they know what they’re talking about, this is really good….have you read this!” He’d say “Yer, I know” and then we’d just crack up laughing! (Hehehe, you know I’m going to read this one over and over don’t you!!)
2. I linked my blog to a new Facebook profile because I had a couple of friends who wanted to link to it from there, and although I’ve not been a fan of Facebook in the past, I do like technology so thought it was inevitable I’d have to get on a social media site sooner or later.

So, being on WordPress and Facebook has considerably altered my perspective about social media, and my general conclusions are;

1. It’s probably still a little bit stink to “like” your own stuff, but who cares, and in who’s opinion, if you want to like it, like it! I say, of course you like it, you wrote and posted the damn thing didn’t you, and of course it’s awesome, right!!

2. I also feel very strongly as I look through these forums that many are desperately seeking approval and love, and wanting validation from others for where they are. (Yes, birds of a feather do flock together, don’t they? Well mostly, but not always…)
There’s nothing wrong with this, but one thing is for sure, there will never be enough validation, love, or approval that comes from outside of ourselves in any form whether it’s from online relationships and communication or real life physical relationships.(or anything else for that matter)
For the good feeling one achieves from this lasts only a short time and we will usually find ourselves needing more and more of this external validation in order to feel good.
What does that sound like to you? Yes, for some, it does become an unhealthy addiction.
Now you don’t need to be a rocket scientist to figure out this population consist’s mainly of the female variety. (Thought I’d better check the statistics out, and yes two-thirds of the population on social media are female, 2012 stats)
Of course it’s wonderful to have such external validation as this can help give us strength, especially in difficult times, but nothing will ever make up for the love, approval and validation that we have within us that is available to us in every moment of our lives from the Non-Physical, Inner Being part of us.
Anything less does not last, or is a temporary fix for what we are really reaching for.
And what is it we are reaching for?
The truth of who we are, the power that we have, the love we have within us, the ability to share that love with others that are in a place to receive it, just the pure perfection of who and what we are.
But we must be okay with who we are apart from others, this is true knowing, this is true love, and this is one path among many, that leads to true happiness. And so it is….

Are you free to choose???

ArmsWide2
Are you free to choose every and all things in your life? That’s an interesting question, let’s look at that a little more closely….

So, every choice we’ve made up until today has bought you to the place we are in now. Some may disagree, saying many of the choices they made were forced upon them, either from parents or by getting in a situation where whatever choice was available to us, was an unwanted choice. Although this feels like we didn’t have a choice, the truth is, we always have a choice.
Maybe our choices were motivated from not wanting to experience the negative consequences others placed on us, or from making many choices that eventually lead us down a path where whatever choices were available, are unwanted, and although that feels like it wasn’t really our choice, it was.

Many of our choices come from being indoctrinated with our parents beliefs and ideologies regarding culture, religion, and community living. We could have chosen differently, but sometimes, when we are young, we’re not even aware there is another choice, and sometimes it’s simply not wanting to experience unwanted consequences that may arise from making a different choice.
We were and still are, motivated to different choices for many different reasons, whether it’s to keep someone else happy, to feel part of the group, to be liked by others, to be admired, or to be loved. Our choices, whatever they may be, for whatever reason, are usually based on what we believe is the best choice at that time, the choice we think will bring us closest to what we are wanting or what will make us happy.

It can be worth while, taking the time to ponder what it is that motivates our choices. For example, if it’s important to always have the approval of those around us, we put ourselves in an almost impossible position, for now our choices are based on what we think others expect or think is best for us, rather that what we think and feel is best for us.
In the beginning it may feel reassuring to have other peoples approval over the choices we make, but no other is really in a better position than us, to decide what is best for us, even if we think that they are.

Always seeking others opinions over what, how, and when we should be doing anything, erodes confidence, making it very difficult to make decisions on our own as we move forward through time. Taking advice from others can also lead to blaming if things don’t turn out as planned, preventing us from taking responsibility for our own choices, learning from them, changing, and making different choices where required. Blaming others may feel better in the short-term, but rarely moves us in the direction of what we’re wanting.

I’m not suggesting we should never seek advice from another, as it can be very helpful to listen to what others have to say if they’re positively focused, especially if they have achieved something you are desiring for yourself, but in the end, the final decision should be ours.

Knowing you are free to choose, and in control of your own life is paramount to really being happy, for as long as we believe anyone else has power over us, or knows better than you what you should or should not be doing, you cannot be truly happy.
For just as you came into this physical world free, you will leave this physical world free, and everything else in between, is your choice.
Are you making the choices that are in YOUR best interests??

And so our journey continues….