Relationships

Some truths about marriage…

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Marriage means different things to different people, but it is generally accepted by most, that it is a commitment between two people, into an intimate relationship that excludes all others and lasts, “till death do us part”.

Well, that’s a very nice idea in a perfect world, actually, that’s a nice idea in any world. The question that’s interesting to ask is, is it really possible in the days that we are now living?
Absolutely yes, it’s completely possible, especially if that’s what we’re wanting, so why the high incidence of separation? As you can imagine, there are millions of reasons why people may separate, but often, there tends to be misconceptions or misguided beliefs about life, marriage, and relationships that contribute to this, therefore causing a flow on effect of smaller disagreements, and eventually more serious incidents.

Addressing misconceptions or false beliefs, not just the symptoms, is key, for running around trying to deal with the symptoms without addressing the deeper underlying causes, does not usually work, or only works in the short-term.
As you eradicate one symptom, another one rears its head, for the underlined cause is still there, and has not been dealt with.

A major misconceptions or false belief is, that it’s another person’s job to keep us happy. Now it goes without saying that most want to have uplifting and positive interactions with those around them, and that is a great desire, but if you are relying on others to always provide you with this, you get yourself, and whoever you are interacting with, in a very difficult position, for now you require them to behave in specific ways, before you allow yourself to be happy.

This is a sure way to stifle any relationship, for when you start requiring specific behaviour from others, you give them the responsibility for making you happy, rather than being responsible and in control, of your own happiness. Living in this way is like being on a rollercoaster, for you have made your happiness dependent on what the other is, or is not doing. For the person expected to behave in specific ways to please the other, this is very tiresome, and over time, becomes a burden that leads to resentment.
I’m not saying it’s not nice when people are behaving in ways we find to be wonderful, of course it is, and yes, we’d be crazy not to be happy about that when it happens, but when this is a prerequisite we require before allowing ourselves to be happy, we’re in for a rough ride.
Our true power and freedom comes from being able to be happy, apart from what others are doing. I know it isn’t always easy when coming from a life experience where you needed to behave in ways to make those around you happy, where there were often strong negative consequences if we did not. I suppose it’s natural that we often follow the same path that we were brought up with, but part of growing up, is questioning the beliefs that have been passed to us and deciding for ourselves, how we want to live our life now!

Are the beliefs that have been passed to me by my family, my community or my religion relevant to the life I’m living now? These questions can only be asked and answered by each individual, for no other is in a better position, to decide what is best for you, than you are. When you allow yourself and others the freedom to be who they really are, not just in marriage, but in all relationships, and you make it your job to keep yourself happy apart from how others are or are not behaving, you are a pure joy to be around!
For true love is synonymous with freedom, and freedom is at the very core of who we really are!

And so our journey continues….

Observation v’s Judgement… Where are you???

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Although there’s quite a fine line between observing people and circumstances or judging them, I think it can be quite an important distinction to be able to make.

Judging is noticing what is, in a negative and critical manner, with an implied feeling of wrong doing, whereas observation is noticing what is, from a neutral place without any negative or positive emotion. In other words, seeing what is in front of you, without making judgements of right or wrong.

Very few people are able to do this as most have been programmed with all sorts of things, from all sorts of people, about the rightness or wrongness of this or that… and of course, we have come to our own conclusions based on what we have been told, experienced and observed, as to what is right or wrong regarding most situations, behaviours or attitudes.

It is completely appropriate for us to decide what it is we are wanting, or how we wish to live our life on every and any subject that is important to us.
It’s not possible to get inside of somebody else and know what their intentions and desires for this life are, we have not lived their experiences, thought their thoughts, or felt their feelings, and therefore, cannot know for sure why they have reacted to each circumstance as they have. So how can anyone be a better judge than them, of what, how and when they should be doing this or that, for we cannot say with any real certainty if we’d lived their life experiences, we would do anything differently.
Maybe we would, maybe we wouldn’t? We just don’t know.
So the question is, why do we judge others, and does it improve our lives in any way?
Judging others critically always come from a not good feeling, negative place. A place of fear, fearing someone may do something that will affect us or others in a negative way. A place of feeling superiority over others, believing you know better than they do, what, how or why they should be doing this or that. A place of feeling inferior to others, therefore discounting their achievements to make one’s self feel better. Although initially, in the short-term these types of responses may help us to feel better, if we do not move to better feeling places, we can become uncaring and negatively focused, only seeing the worst in every situation we encounter.

If this happens, it’s often hard to assess whether these behaviours are working in our lives or not, because for most, it has become a way of being, something that’s been done consistently for so long, we’re no longer aware that we’re doing it.
It becomes our normal way of being, it becomes who you are temporarily being, not who you really are, just who you’re being right now. It’s not who you truly are, because we may not have been factoring in a very large part of ourselves, our Inner Being, Inner Guidance or the Non-Physical part of us.

Your Inner Being never feels inferior to others, for who you really are knows the magnificence of you! Your Inner Being never feels superior to others, for who you really are knows all beings have value, just as you do! Your Inner Being never fears what others are or are not doing, for who you really are knows you were born with the ability to change your focus at any moment and start attracting more wanted circumstances into your life!

When we start thinking in terms of what is wanted and unwanted and make an effort to redirect our thoughts in the direction of what we are wanting rather than the lack of what we’re wanting, it usually takes the judgement out of what we’re observing, and over time, puts us in a place where we’re more able to see the good in all people and situations….

We have all come forward with powerful intentions and desires, both individually and collectively, and we are moving into new discoveries about ourselves and life, and ultimately, to the evolution and truth of who we really are!!
And oh how wonderful that is!!

And so our journey continues….

Are you using an outdated roadmap???

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Try reading a roadmap from a hundred years ago and see where it gets you! I’m sure you can see fairly quickly, that is ridiculous advice. So it always amazes me how some people are still trying to live their lives by a book that was written 2000 years ago.
As with an old roadmap, most of the large landmasses and major roads are still probably the same, but as you get into the more specific small details of your map, almost everything will be different.
So one could say, the basic principles or major concepts within these books are still strong and relevant to the lives we are living today, but the specific details, when relating it to our daily lives here and now, are very different. And so it is, with many books and scriptures that were written by many different sages and prophets from the past.

It’s not for anyone to tell others what they should or shouldn’t take from these books, that is a choice made by each individual based on their freedom to choose as they wish. The criteria I would use to determine whether I would follow advice given by, not just books, but anything is… is it working for me? If it isn’t working in our lives, who cares who said it, when they said it, and why they said it? If it improves our life in any way, then for us, it must be sound advice, but if it doesn’t improve our life after giving it time, why would we continue to follow it? The only reasonable answer I can come up with for following advice that obviously is not working, is if we are coming from a place of fear.

Fear that we need to do something someone else has set out for us, or there will be unwanted consequences? This often begins from the first day we are born into this physical world. As children we allowed, without really knowing we were doing it, our Internal Guidance to be overridden by the people around us that had been here longer than us, and thought they knew exactly how, what, and why we should be doing this or that. I am not blaming anyone, I am stating a fact. Most were doing their best based on how they grew up and what they knew at the time, nevertheless, it produces a lack of confidence and a need to be guided in every little thing we do, so when something new comes up, we are often lost as to what to do, often searching for direction and advice from external sources.

This does not necessarily need to be negative if we can assess honestly how the advice we have taken is working in our life rather than blindly following without question, even when, deep down, it doesn’t feel right. That’s our Inner Guidance, our very own internal emotional guidance, that’s specifically and precisely giving us advice on any matter that is important to us. We had it when we entered this physical world and we’ve had it every day since.

If we feel we are not receiving any such guidance, it’s because it has been overshadowed and drowned out by all the advice and guidance that has come from external sources, often to such a point, we’re no longer even aware we have it.
If we don’t believe or even know we have such guidance, it can be near impossible to find without conscious awareness, and so we go from one source of advice to another, searching for something that fits us just right, but it will not be found from outside of us, what we are searching for comes from within us.

The best advice will always come from within you, and many of us are starting to access this wonderful Inner Guidance. We are now living in a time, where we are questioning the way we do things, and the beliefs that have been given to us by our family, culture, community or religion. There is benefit to all of it, even in doing things that are not working, for it is often in the process of realising something isn’t working that you become open to what it is that does work.
Such is the process and joy of this physical life….

And so it is….

Observations about our Beautiful Children….

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FailureSuccess
Anyone that has children would have no doubt noticed that today’s generation of children are very different from their parents and previous generations. You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to figure that out, and it’s interesting to note, when people often speak of this, they tend to highlight many things they consider negative.
“We didn’t do that in my day, we behaved ourselves and just did what we were told.” Now that’s lovely if we’re believing everything someone else tells us or our feeling good depends upon making someone else happy and feel good. But the truth is, most of our beautiful children are not prepared to take everything we say as being right or good for them. I understand this makes for navigating the parenting of children far more difficult than it may have previously been, it’s rather easy when someone has largely substituted their own Inner Guidance for someone else’s, for they are more likely to listen and blindly follow instructions…. But is this what we really want for our children??? For me, the answer is simple…. No.

To bring today’s children to a place where they will listen and follow without question, their spirit has usually been broken to some degree, and the long-term consequences of this are not usually what we are wanting for those we deeply love. When a child’s own Inner Guidance is overridden and their spirit is broken by others, even those that have the best of intentions, what happens when you are not there to guide them? They are often lost and seek out another that will direct them in what to do, for they have not had an opportunity to think and make decisions for themselves. I’m not suggesting our little ones need no guidance, but the days of following without question are far behind us. I like to think of it now as more of a collaboration between parent and child, a belief that all have value, ideas, opinions and suggestions that at the very least, deserve to be listened too, considered and negotiated.

Our children have very different and specific needs compared to previous generations. A one size fits all, do what I say approach (and sometimes not what I do) no longer works and did it ever work….I don’t know??? Children are coming forward in these times with a stronger determination, purpose, and confidence that does require a more flexible parenting style, and in truth are guiding us all to be better parents, better teachers, and better leaders.
Yes, they are teaching us to be better human beings…and I cannot think of a greater life purpose to have in this wonderful physical world…

And so it is….